DEODORANT:
Ateneo- Secret
UST- Rexona
UP- Babes
NU- Splash deowhitener
PUP- Tawas
AMA- Dinikdik na Stork, sing lamig pero di sing mahal.

MULTIVITAMINS:
UA&P- Pharmaton
Ateneo- Rogin-E
DLSU- Centrum
UST- Clusivol
AMA- Star Rice

FAVORITE MONTH:
DLSU- February (Hearts' day)
UA&P- December (Holidays)
Ateneo- March (Graduation)
AMA- April (Boys) IDOL!!!

GIMMICK:
DLSU- Mondo
Ateneo- Fat Willys
Beda- Mars
CEU- Padis Point
UST- Chatterbox
AMA- Hard Rock kami! May concert doon si Jolina! Behhhh!

Q: If the national flower of the Philippines is the sampaguita,what is the offical flower of AMA?
A: Paper Roses

CELLPHONE ORDERS:
DLSU- 8810 please.
UP- Car charger nga.
UST- Extra battery.
UE- Two pieces of P1,000 GLOBE cards.
AMA- (pabulong) May brochure kayo?

EXPRESSION PAG NAKAKAKUHA NG FUNNY TEXT:
Ateneo - Hahaha, funny!
DLSU - Yeah right.
UP - 'Tang'na. OK to ah.
AMA - Tayo na naman ang pinagtatawanan,

REACTIONS NANG MRINIG ANG NEW TEXT SCHEME:
Ateneo - Bad trip!
DLSU - Shit!
UST- Bwisit!
CKSC- Piaw si eh.
FEU- Diyahe naman.
AMA- Yes! Wala nang mang-aasar sa atin!

REACTIONS TO A BMW CAR:
Ateneo - My dad has one like it.
DLSU - Dad! Buy me naman that!
UP - Dad, that is not worth buying.
UST - Wow Dad! Cool!
AMA - Itay! Pakodak tayo sa tabi!
Letran- Erpat, halika, gasgasan natin!

BAR DRINKS:
LaSalle - Mule
AdMU - Subzero
CRC - Heineken
UP - Super Dry
UST - Pale Pilsen
FEU - Blue Ice
MAPUA - Miller
CEU - Tanduay
AMA - Zesto (unang-una ako..)

AFTER CLASS:
DLSU/CSB - tambay, punta sa kotse.
CRC - punta mall, coffee break.
ATENEO - tambay, review notes.
ASSUMPTION - punta quad, pa cute cute.
AMA - uwi agad, abang Labs Ko Si Babes

LOST WALLET:
AdMU - f*ck, my credit cards are there.
DLSU - sh*t! there goes 5000 bucks.
UST - pre, yung driver license ko.
AMA - puny*ta yung picture ni Jolina!

AT THE SAUNA SHOWROOM:
DLSU - ganda ng #69
UP - ok si 74
UST - yun magaling sa kama
AdMU - #8 nag-blo-blowjob
AMA - shit alis na tayo, si #1 ate ko

EXPERTISE
AdMU - Nangunguna na sa Law
UP - sa Law din
DLSU - sa Business and Accounting
UST - sa Medicine
AMA - sa pila ng Hey Babes

WORDS OF ENDEARMENT:
AdMU - hey, girl!
DLSU - hi, honey!
CRC - zup, baby?
UST - labs
UP - hi, mahal!
AMA - hello, chuba chu-chu!

PARLOR:
AdMU - Frank Provost
DLSU - Roger Craig
CSB - Paradigm
CRC - bcbg
UST - Davids
FEU - Ricky Reyes
AMA - Rejoice portable sink with Paolo Bediones

REASONS WHY STUDENTS STUDY HARD:
AdMU - to become good lawyers
DLSU - to become good businessmen
UP - to become good politicians
UST - to become good doctors
AMA - para manalo sa Pera O Bayong. Esep-esep!

LIZARD ON THE DINING TABLE:
Admu: Yuck, lizard!
UST: Oh my gosh, lizard ! CEU: Ay, butiki!!!
UP: Piticus Lizardus
AMA: Dumb, Lacoste!

SONGS
I have two balls, a head and a trunk
Hold it uprightt and pump it right
Pump it softly 1-2-3,
Out goes the sperm for you to sip.

Jack and Jill went up the hill and fucked and sucked each other
but stupid Jill forgot the pill and now they have a daughter.
la-la-la-la-la-la-la...

Pekpek ni sarapen kinalikot ni armasen, awws awws says the girl the bastusen. Puke namimilipit, betlog namumukadkad sa tabi ng butas.

Girl: Mirror mirror on the wall, make my bust grow to 44! (Boom, it grew!)
Man: Mirror mirror on the wall make my penis reach the floor! (Boom, his legs became short!)

Classification of tax according to the size of penis (inch):
7 & above - Luxury Tax
5-6 - Amusement Tax
3-4 - Value Added Tax
1-2 - EXEMPTED

A teacher saw the word "Penis" on the blackboard. She erased it. The next day, it was there again and in big letters. Again, she erased it. The next day this was written on the blackboard: "The more you rub it, the bigger it gets."

Q: What do toys and women's breasts have in common?
A: They were both originally made for kids but dad ends up playing with them!

QUESTION:What fruit best describe a womans vagina?
ANSWER:Durian! It smells like hell but tastes like heaven.

Elsa
Ako si Elsa, labing-isang taong gulang, ng gamitin ako ng taga-Jolibee, ang sabi ko ay," Isa pa, isa pa." Ng gamitin naman ako ng taga-McDonalds," Ang sabi ko ay ang sarap ulit-ulitin." Ng gamitin naman ako nang taga-KFC, ang sabi ko ay," It's finger lickin' good."

Ano ang kaibahan ni Prince Charles sa kulangot?
Prince Charles is heir to da throne, kulangot is thrown to the air!

An alcoholic son's letter to his Dad:
Beer dad,
Gin na ko mag-iinom whisky kelan. Tanduayan mo yan.
Your San,
Miguel

SEX
Husband: If you were only good in the kitchen, then we don't need the maid... we can save P1000!
Wife: Shut up! If you were good in bed, then we can save P2000 for the driver!

One sweet day, Mr. Goodbar met Hershey. He Hugs & Kisses her, then put his Butterfinger in her Milkyway. They were on Cloud 9. His Bazooka fired with a Big Bang! The result? Babyruth.

Friends lift you up when you're down. Lovers lift you up....and down...and up...oooh....and down...ahhh...

What do women do about sex?
at age 8: ignore it
at age 18: think about it
at age 28: experience it
at age 38: enjoy it
at age 48: pay for it
at age 58: beg for it
at age 68: pray for it

Always give 100% in making love...
12% on kissing
23% on sucking
40% on fingerng
20% on licking
and of course... 5% on resting!

Q: Difference between microwave and a woman?
A: A microwave doesn't scream when you put a piece of meat in it!

Kiss is gamble, sex is game,
Boys do the action, girls get the blame,
One night of passion, nine months of pain,
They say you're pretty, they say you're fine,
But nine months later, they say it's not mine!

A man wanted to have sex with his girlfriend but is ashame because of his small organ. He had an idea to tell his girlfriend. They went to a dark place, stopped to put his penis to his girlfriend's hand...
Girl: Thanks! But I don't smoke!

HONEYMOON
Dudut: Mikee, ang galing mo talagang mangabayo!
Mikee: Hmp, hindi ka pa rin nagbabago, hindi ka pa rin makashoot!

Q: Bakit bulaklak ang kadalasang design sa panty?
A: Kasi alay sa mga patay na buhok!
Q: Eh bakit sa brief walang bulaklak?
A: Kasi meron nang nakatirik na kandila!

Jackpot ka sister, binoblowjob si Deither, nang lalabasan na sya... ano ang gagawin mo?
Iinumin - Laos!
Idudura - Wa Poise!
Ahhhh! Straw sa Titi, yun ang Sosy!

Guard: Ang ID ninyo po? so nilabas ni erap ang ID niya.

Guard: Um..Ipin ninyo Po. ... Erap smiled.

There was a mirror that eats liars.
pangit: I think I'm CUTE! - kinain siya.
Taba: I think I'm SEXY! - kinain siya.
Erap: I think.. - kinain na.

CONVICT: Father, forgive me for I have sinned
P: Sabihin mo lahat ng kasalanan mo anak.
C: Father, pinapatay ko ang lahat ng naniniwala sa diyos.
Kayo po ba Father naniniwala doon?
P: Sino yon?

TAXI
Pumara si Erap ng taxi..
Erap: Magkano papuntang Makati?
Taxi: Ikaw lang ho mag-isa?
Erap: Bakit, hindi ka ba sasama?

GROCERY
ERAP and his mother returned from the grocery store and began putting away the groceries. ERAP opened the box of animal crackers and spread them all over the table."What are you doing?" his mother asked. "The box says you can't eat them if the seal is broken," ERAP explained. "I'm looking for the seal."

BEER AND ERAP
How are a San Miguel beer bottle and Erap alike?
They are both empty from the neck up.

Orange Juice
Why did the Erap stare at a can of frozen orange juice?
Because it said concentrate.

TGIF Why does Erap have "TGIF" written on his shoes?
Toes Go In First.

DIAL 911
Why can't Erap dial 911?
He can't find the eleven on the phone!

5 Pesos
The most intelligent "presidentiable", Miriam Santiago, has challenged the least intelligent presidentiable to a televised debate. To make things interesting, Miriam says that every time she asks Erap a question which he cannot answer, Erap has to pay Miriam five pesos. BUT if Erap asks Miriam a question which she cannot answer, Miriam has to give Erap five thousand pesos. Miriam asks the first question: "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" Erap doesn't say a word, reaches for his wallet, pulls out a five-peso bill and hands it to Miriam. Now, it's his turn. He asks Miriam: "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?" Miriam looks at him with a puzzled look. She whips out her laptop computer and searches all her references. She taps into the phone with her modem and searches the Net. Frustrated, she sends E-mails to all her aides, assistants, and friends. All to no avail. After over an hour, she admits defeat and hands Erap five 1000-peso bills. Erap says nothing, but politely accepts the P5,000 and turns away to go home. Miriam is a poor sport and demands from Erap, "Well, so what IS the answer!?" Without a word, Erap pulls out his wallet and gives Miriam another five pesos....

ID
One day ERAP is entering Malacanang.
GUARD: Sir, ID ninyo ho ?
ERAP shows his ID and said " Eto O !!"
GUARD: Sir, I-Pin ninyo ho.
ERAP smiles and shows his TEETH.

ERAP's Wisdom
1. Don't judge a book for you are not a Judge.
2. Birds of the same feathers are the same birds.
3. Tell me who your friends are, and I'll tell you mine.
4. An apple a day is 7 apples a week.

Endorse MILO
Erap was asked to endorse MILO (as the olympic drink). He agreed on one condition: That no script shall be given to him for he has thought of a way of endorsing the said product. Everybody agreed on the idea so finally they finalized the contract and all that stuff. On the day of the shooting of the ad, ERAP finally delivered his most awaited impromptu ad: then he said: "I made a very simple ad that speaks well of the product. All I will have to do is give meaning to the four-letter word of M-I-L-O!"
Then he started giving the meaning of each letter which goes like this:
M - Masarap na masarap ito.
I - Inumin ng nakararami.
L - Lasap na lasap ang lasa.
O - OVALTINE, THE OLYMPIC DRINK !!!!!!

MOVIE
REPORTER:Sir, anong tipo nyong pelikulang ingles?
ERAP:Lahat ng XXX
REPORTER:Sir, bakit puro bold?
ERAP:Kasi konti lang dialogue madali intindihin.

QUOTES
Nung si Marcos ang Presidente, laging sinasabi "MABUHAY ANGPILIPINO".
Nung si Cory na, "TAYO'Y PILIPINO".
Nung si Ramos na, "TAAS NOO PILIPINO".
Nang si Erap na, "MABUHAY CASINO PILIPINO"!!

LOVE LETTER
Dear Honey, ABC (ALWAYS BE CAREFUL) DEF (DON'T EVER FORGET) GHI (GO HOME IMMEDIATELY) JKLM (JUST KEEP LOVING ME) NOPQRSTUVW (!) (NO ONE PERFECTLY QUITE ROMANTIC SHOULD TREAT U VERY WELL) (whew!) XYZ .... XEE YOU ZOON!!!! Your Honey Babe, Joseph

WRISTBAND
Erap was taking a bath nang biglang lumindol, Erap ran outside Malacaņang without his clothes on.
GUARD:Mr. President! I think you forgot something . . .
ERAP:Ay SHIT!! Yung wristband ko!